Sacrifices

In my determination to finish reading one short story tonight, I sat indian style on the couch, hunched over my book, asleep. I would read one or two paragraphs, fall asleep, wake up to something (once my dad coming over to say good night), and then read those paragraphs again. Needless to say, it took longer than it should have.
When I was in school, I finished my work. If I had an assignment, I did it, well or badly, and sleep, social activities, chores, and other obligations never hindered my persistence in accomplishing what was necessary to excell in high school and in both of my majors. I remember my first week of high school when I needed to accept that my teachers were no longer concerned with the family event I had had or the stress I was under because of various happenstance, as my mom was in homeschool. After my entire family one by one headed to bed and nonchalantly told me good night, I looked at my science book and the pages I had to read, and I began to cry. I felt like I was in prison. There was no way out, and that is how it has been ever since...I have a strange addiction to thorough achievement, even when it means cutting corners. Assignments and deadlines--give them to me and I will do well with whatever you ask. A vague, self-driven writing career--that is what I need to learn. Tonight I pretended that I was back in college, that I needed to read that story tonight, and that I needed to write this blog, which is why I have been able to do it.
Ultimately, I have to make sacrifices. I was able to do well in my studies because I did not let my urges for ease hinder me. Every time we say yes, we say no. I said yes to school, yes to studying, yes to time investment, and therefore said no to much sleep, no to social times, no to entertainment media. If something is worth anything, worth saying yes to, then it is worth a thousand no's. I was thinking that maybe I should be calling this blog If I will write rather than if I can, since that is probably the bigger question, and the one most at stake. What am I willing to give, what am I willing to give up in order to be faithful to this endeavor of becoming a published and worthy author? This is hopeful, but now I am falling asleep, and I think I have reached my limit.