For the Stories

Yesterday I met with one of the most incredible teachers, you know, the ones who remember your name and care about you a year after you graduate?--that is the kind that he is. He has gotten poetry published and learned a lot about what it means to be involved in creative writing, which is primarily what I want to do. I walked into his office convinced that this was my last hope of concrete direction, and walked out with concrete direction. While I was there, he said, "You look good. You look happy." Of course! I should have told him, that's because I am doing what I always wanted to do. He told me to read short stories for a while, then to write them, and not to worry about sending them in until I have 8 or 10 I am happy with. "If you are diligent, you could be at that point in a year." Maybe that would seem like a long time to people, a long time for an aspiring writer to hear as the length of time between now and attempting publication. I loved it. It made it real to me. I am not blogging and dreaming and having fun thinking about what if I sent in this story or wrote that kind of novel or made money with this sort of quick fix. I am working towards something concrete, and I have a timeline.

Thankfully I've realized that working full time between two jobs (not yet started)--what I envisioned bringing an end to this game I entered--actually gives me the freedom to follow the direction that my teacher has encouraged me to take. I will make enough money so that I can write not for work but for pure passion, for genuine interest of taking what I can and love to do, and becoming great at it. I want to be a good writer, and now my goal does not have to be to write in any area that pays; I can invest my whole heart and energies into those stories I long to write, and I can define myself as a writer before being pressured to sell it to another. This is a relief, but only time will tell the strength of my desires. Maybe I will have 8 or 10 powerful short stories ready to send to publishers, or maybe I will be spending my free time raising an ant farm. I don't know--that's what makes it so exciting.